Posted on

Why three is the most stressful number of children to have – BUT mothers of four are MORE relaxed

lost-in-space

lost-in-space

Why three is the most stressful number of children to have – BUT mothers of four are MORE relaxed

By Margot Peppers

Published: 10:32 EST, 6 May 2013 | Updated: 09:53 EST, 16 January 2015

New York-based psychiatrist Dr Janet Taylor – whose own four children, including a set of twins, range in age from 19 to 25 – explained why four kids are easier to handle than three.

As far as perfectionism is concerned, ‘there’s just not enough space in your head’ once you have at least four children, claims Dr Taylor.

Plus, she asserts: ‘The more children you have, the more confident you become in your parenting abilities. You have to let go.’

Obsessively making the house baby-proof, for example, becomes less of a priority after the third child. ‘It just gets to be survival!’ she joked.

Read more: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2320235/Why-stressful-number-children–BUT-mothers-MORE-relaxed.html#ixzz3P6tLCttb

Posted on

Ayn Rand Shows a Niece ‘Tough Love’

ayn_rand

ayn_rand

Image credit: Capitalism Magazine

This Letter from Ayn Rand Shows a Niece ‘Tough Love’ for Wanting $25. It Will Have Parents Cheering.

By Kyle Becker

Ayn Rand. Two of the most divisive words in all of modern literature and philosophy. Her sweeping novel Atlas Shrugged, a dystopian work written 50 years ago, continues to have many prescient observers seeing parallels with a modern America that is going off the rails. Atlas is still an international bestseller – whether or not one has read it and enjoyed it (and more than likely, didn’t read it – still don’t like it).

Wherever one might stand on Rand’s “Objectivist” philosophy, it is the mark of intellectual cowardice to condemn ideas without a fair hearing.

For all the caterwauling about Rand’s “cold” ideology, and the inevitable misinterpretation that her ideal world is a loveless one driven only by achievement, Rand is able to display what she means by “tough love” as evidenced by a letter to a 17-year-old niece requesting a loan of $25 that was printed in a collection Letters of Ayn Rand.

The letter, reprinted in a piece by Distractify, illustrates a point-of-view that many parents who are raising young people nowadays might find really appealing:

To Connie Papurt, AR’s niece, a daughter of Frank’s sister, Agnes Papurt
May 22, 1949

Dear Connie:

You are very young, so I don’t know whether you realize the seriousness of your action in writing to me for money. Since I don’t know you at all, I am going to put you to a test.

If you really want to borrow $25 from me, I will take a chance on finding out what kind of person you are. You want to borrow the money until your graduation. I will do better than that. I will make it easier for you to repay the debt, but on condition that you understand and accept it as a strict and serious business deal. Before you borrow it, I want you to think it over very carefully.

Here are my conditions: If I send you the $25, I will give you a year to repay it. I will give you six months after your graduation to get settled in a job. Then, you will start repaying the money in installments: you will send me $5 on January 15, 1950, and $4 on the 15th of every month after that; the last installment will be on June 15, 1950—and that will repay the total.

Are you willing to do it?

Here is what I want you to think over: Once you get a job, there will always be many things which you will need and on which you might prefer to spend your money, rather than repay a debt. I want you to decide now, in advance, as an honest and responsible person, whether you will be willing and able to repay this money, no matter what happens, as an obligation above and ahead of any other expense.

I want you to understand right now that I will not accept any excuse—except a serious illness. If you become ill, then I will give you an extension of time—but for no other reason. If, when the debt becomes due, you tell me that you can’t pay me because you needed a new pair of shoes or a new coat or you gave the money to somebody in the family who needed it more than I do—then I will consider you as an embezzler. No, I won’t send a policeman after you, but I will write you off as a rotten person and I will never speak or write to you again.

Now I will tell you why I am so serious and severe about this. I despise irresponsible people. I don’t want to deal with them or help them in any way. An irresponsible person is a person who makes vague promises, then breaks his word, blames it on circumstances and expects other people to forgive it. A responsible person does not make a promise without thinking of all the consequences and being prepared to meet them.

You want $25 for the purpose of buying a dress; you tell me that you will get a job and be able to repay me. That’s fine and I am willing to help you, if that is exactly what you mean. But if what you mean is: give me the money now and I will repay it if I don’t change my mind about it—then the deal is off. If I keep my part of the deal, you must keep yours, just exactly as agreed, no matter what happens.

I was very badly disappointed in Mimi and Marna [Docky]. When I first met Mimi, she asked me to give her money for the purpose of taking an art course. I gave her the money, but she did not take the art course. I supported Marna for a year—for the purpose of helping her to finish high school. She did not finish high school. I will take a chance on you, because I don’t want to blame you for the actions of your sisters. But I want you to show me that you are a better kind of person.

I will tell you the reasons for the conditions I make: I think that the person who asks and expects other people to give him money, instead of earning it, is the most rotten person on earth. I would like to teach you, if I can, very early in life, the idea of a self-respecting, self-supporting, responsible, capitalistic person. If you borrow money and repay it, it is the best training in responsibility that you can ever have.

I want you to drop—if you have it in your mind—the idea that you are entitled to take money or support from me, just because we happen to be relatives. I want you to understand very clearly, right now, when you are young, that no honest person believes that he is obliged to support his relatives. I don’t believe it and will not do it. I cannot like you or want to help you without reason, just because you need the help. That is not a good reason. But you can earn my liking, my interest and my help by showing me that you are a good person.

Now think this over and let me know whether you want to borrow the money on my conditions and whether you give me your word of honor to observe the conditions. If you do, I will send you the money. If you don’t understand me, if you think that I am a hard, cruel, rich old woman and you don’t approve of my ideas—well, you don’t have to approve, but then you must not ask me for help.

I will wait to hear from you, and if I find out that you are my kind of person, then I hope that this will be the beginning of a real friendship between us, which would please me very much.

Your aunt,

While some prefer to dismiss Rand as a “crazy-ass aunt,” there are plenty of parents who are witnessing the irrational self-exploration that has driven millions of young people to rack up exorbitant student loans, only to find a job market non-conducive to achieving their dreams.

Whether or not one chalks this dire situation up to the eternal wiles of youth, or misguided state intervention churning out a miseducated “intellectual proletariat” ill-prepared for the demands of real life, is left up to the reader to decide.

Posted on

For parents, sacrifices worth it for children’s athletic careers

imgres-13

For parents, sacrifices worth it for children’s athletic careers

DECEMBER 28, 2014, 4:42 PM    LAST UPDATED: SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2014, 8:19 PM
BY NICHOLAS PUGLIESE
STAFF WRITER |
THE RECORD

When he was 3 years old, Mohammad Abdelhamid told his mother that he was going to be a basketball player and – like the pros – buy a mansion.

His mother, Azza Abdelziz, took his ambitions to heart and raised him as a well-rounded athlete. He now plays three sports at Fort Lee High School – soccer, basketball and baseball – as well as participating in a private soccer club that travels all over the region.

Abdelziz, who laughed off the promise of a mansion, was full of encouragement Sunday as she watched him take on Paramus Catholic in the Jack Reilly Holiday Basketball Tournament, a season opener for a number of local teams hosted at Fort Lee High School. Also in attendance were relatives, friends and recruiters taking in the action as the warm bodies on the court pushed up the temperature in the gym.

But Abdelziz deserved as much applause from her son as she was heaping on him.

The sacrifices many parents in the crowd have made on behalf of their children’s athletic careers are as remarkable for their size as for their duration. Abdelziz, for example, said that over the past 10 years, she has hosted relatives at her house less and less due to her son’s game and practice schedule. She has also stuck with her job as a school bus driver because the hours are conducive to high school sports.

https://www.northjersey.com/news/for-parents-sacrifices-worth-it-for-children-s-athletic-careers-1.1182525

Posted on

Many parents feel spanking has its place, but doctors worry discipline can cross the line to abuse

imgres-13

Many parents feel spanking has its place, but doctors worry discipline can cross the line to abuse

SEPTEMBER 21, 2014    LAST UPDATED: SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2014, 12:29 AM
BY KARA YORIO
STAFF WRITER
THE RECORDIn study after study, as many as eight out of 10 adults in America say spanking is an appropriate form of discipline.

Suggestions for parents

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics policy, which offers guidance to pediatricians counseling parents about disciplining children:

Effective discipline has three components:

1. Provide a positive, supportive and loving relationship.

2. Use positive reinforcement.

3. When punishment is necessary, use timeouts and other alternatives to spanking or physical punishment.

The policy goes on to state:

Spanking has negative consequences and is no more effective than other forms of discipline. In fact, there’s a gray area between when spanking ends and child abuse begins.

What the studies don’t show is how people define spanking and where they believe corporal punishment of children crosses a line to abuse.

While those questions have long been quietly debated, the indictment of NFL star Adrian Peterson has raised them in a very public way, even if many of those who believe in spanking find Peterson’s alleged behavior abhorrent.

The story is well-known by now — the Minnesota Vikings running back has been indicted on child abuse charges for stuffing leaves in the mouth of his 4-year-old son and beating him with a switch — a tree branch — that left the boy with cuts and bruises all over his body.

The incident started a conversation among opponents and defenders of corporal punishment of children by their caregivers. The issue is so uncomfortable that pediatricians, who are supposed to ask parents how they discipline and if they spank their kids, rarely broach the topic.

The question hardly comes up in discussions between parents and doctors, said Dr. Howard Mazin, an attending pediatrician at Englewood Hospital and Medical Center, because of the belief it has “fallen out of favor and people don’t do it.”

– See more at: https://www.northjersey.com/news/many-parents-feel-spanking-has-its-place-but-doctors-worry-discipline-can-cross-the-line-to-abuse-1.1092799#sthash.hLfICuQI.dpuf

Posted on

The Parent Trap

flyingwoman1

The Parent Trap
JULY 19, 2014
Ross Douthat

The way we live now: Be a helicopter parent or else you might get a knock on your door from Child Protective Services.

This is really getting crazy…


WHEN I was about 9 years old, I graduated to a Little League whose diamonds were a few miles from our house, in a neighborhood that got rougher after dark. After one practice finished early, I ended up as the last kid left with the coach, waiting in the gloaming while he grumbled, looked at his watch and finally left me — to wait or walk home, I’m not sure which.

I started walking. Halfway there, along a busy road, my father picked me up. He called my coach, as furious as you would expect a protective parent to be; the coach, who probably grew up having fistfights in that neighborhood, gave as good as he got; I finished the season in a different league.

Here are two things that didn’t happen. My (lawyer) father did not call the police and have the coach arrested for reckless endangerment of a minor. And nobody who saw me picking my way home alone thought to call the police on my parents, or to charge them with neglect for letting their child slip free of perfect safety for an hour.

Today they might not have been so lucky. For instance, they might have ended up like the Connecticut mother who earned a misdemeanor for letting her 11-year-old stay in the car while she ran into a store. Or the mother charged with “contributing to the delinquency of a minor” after a bystander snapped a photo of her leaving her 4-year-old in a locked, windows-cracked car for five minutes on a 50 degree day. Or the Ohio father arrested in front of his family for “child endangerment” because — unbeknown to him — his 8-year-old had slipped away from a church service and ended up in a nearby Family Dollar.

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/20/opinion/sunday/ross-douthat-the-parent-trap.html?_r=1

Posted on

New York court rules that spanking kids is ‘a reasonable use of force’

spanked

time for a revolution? 

New York court rules that spanking kids is ‘a reasonable use of force’
July 21, 2014
VICTOR SKINNER

LONG ISLAND, N.Y. – A New York appellate court last week ruled in favor of a father who was accused of child abuse for spanking his 8-year-old son after the child misbehaved at a friend’s party.

A Suffolk County Family Court previously determined the father, who was not named in a recent New York Daily News report, abused his son “by inflicting excessive corporal punishment” for spanking his son at a friend’s party in 2012 after the child cursed at an adult.

But a Long Island appellate court judge last week overturned the ruling, and determined the child’s punishment “was a reasonable use of force,” according to the news site.

“The father’s open-handed spanking of the child as a form of discipline after he heard the child curse at an adult was a reasonable use of force and, under the circumstances presented here, did not constitute excessive corporal punishment,” according to the ruling cited by the Daily News.

Aside from the punishment at the party, the complaint alleges the father also repeatedly struck the child with a belt on the butt, legs and arms when the family returned home, but the father denied those allegations and the appellate court could not find sufficient evidence to uphold that charge, the news site reports.

https://eagnews.org/new-york-court-rules-that-spanking-kids-is-a-reasonable-use-of-force/