JANUARY 22, 2015 LAST UPDATED: THURSDAY, JANUARY 22, 2015, 2:40 PM
BY DARIUS AMOS
STAFF WRITER |
THE RIDGEWOOD NEWS
In drafting a working definition for the term “civility,” participants of Tuesday’s Civility Roundtable discussion harkened back to the sermon of this week’s Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day celebration.
“It’s OK to be angry, but do not sin,” said the Rev. Thomas Johnson, pastor at Mt. Bethel Baptist Church, repeating the biblical verse quoted by the Rev. James Forbes Jr. on Monday.
“To sin,” added Robin Ritter, program coordinator at the Ridgewood Library, “that’s the disrespectful behavior. If we look at it that way, what’s the appropriate response? I’m angry, we’re talking about it, how do we have that dialogue?”
Finding the answer to Ritter’s question is the roundtable’s overriding goal, to create more civil behavior in Ridgewood’s public discourse. During their conversation this week, the panel members took the next step in promoting civility by recognizing what goes into civil discourse.
“Civility is not only the right thing to do and the decent thing, it’s the smart thing to do,” said Mayor Paul Aronsohn. “[By being more civil] this enriches the conversation and probably helps us to get to where we need to be.”
Ridgewood NJ, Since the Ridgewood blog had come up more than once in the last few civility meetings Mayor Aronsohn and Jan Philips reached out to us for an invite so we updated our Last Will and Testaments and graciously accepted .The meetings of the Civility Round Table are held on Tuesday’s, once a month at 7:30 PM in the Ridgewood Village Hall Senior’s Lounge. Residents are encouraged to attend .
The meeting started promptly at 7:30 and was to my mind well attended given the time of the year . Jan Phelps hosted the meeting , with Mayor Aronsohn and Councilwomen Hauck . Everyone introduced themselves representing various groups and organizations in the Village , from the BOE , the Planing Board , the Ridgewood Library ,several local clergy , the HSA’s , RBSA and may other fine organizations that serve Ridgewood as well as a few residents . The purpose as stated by the Mayor is to create a more civil discourse in the Village .
Civility is about more than just politeness, although politeness is a necessary first step. It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, listening past one’s preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same. Civility is the hard work of staying present even with those with whom we have deep-rooted and fierce disagreements. It is political in the sense that it is a necessary prerequisite for civic action. But it is political, too, in the sense that it is about negotiating interpersonal power such that everyone’s voice is heard, and nobody’s is ignored. https://www.instituteforcivility.org/who-we-are/what-is-civility/
The group seemed to agree that Ridgewood is a town where people like to excel , and that drive and those expectations create a very passionate , as you can see from blog comments and opinionated populace . People care about their community and thats a good thing , but many felt that sometimes we all go a bit to far .
We looked at the causes of incivility , the when and why .Sheila Brogan long time BOE member , felt that todays parents had a lot of additional pressure and worried that in todays world their kids would have a hard time doing as well as they have done . She went on to speak about the changing times and how one could expect to have several careers over a life time ,all this she though made being a parent a lot harder than it was in the past and a lot more pressure .
We managed to go till 8:08 be for someone mentioned the elephant in the room, “I want to talk about the blog”…….
I learned a lot , mostly that I am glad I can sit in my PJ’s drinking coffee writing a blog getting yelled at by anonymous commenters ,and don’t have a tuff job like the RBSA people who are pulled in many directions ,by so many demands all at once .
There were interestingly a surprising large amount of blog enthusiasts there some open and some secret admirers .
While I could see there were some sore spots , like turf fields , PSEG ,sports issues , Valley Hospital , the Village Hall renovation and alas Marty Brooks the daggers were lowered for the night .
While anonymity of blog posters took a hit as expected some pointed out that even on facebook were you know who everyone is the comments can be even nastier . A resident put it down to a type of “keyboard bravado.”
PJ’s Rules
1) Stick to issues don’t make it personal
2) Don’t take anything personal
M. Forni’s 25 Rules:The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct
1. Pay attention
2. Acknowledge others
3. Think the best
4. Listen
5. Be inclusive
6. Speak kindly
7. Don’t speak ill
8. Accept and give praise
9. Respect even a subtle “no”
10. Respect others’ opinions
11. Mind your body
12. Be agreeable
13. Keep it down (and rediscover silence)
14. Respect other people’s time
15. Respect other people’s space
16. Apologize earnestly and thoughtfully
17. Assert yourself
18. Avoid personal questions
19. Care for your guests
20. Be a considerate guest
21. Think twice before asking for favors
22. Refrain from idle complaints
23. Give constructive criticism
24. Respect the environment and be gentle to animals
Reader says the Council Only Loves Free Speech when you agree with them
Oh, this is hilarious. Je suis Paulie, Je suis Pooch, Je suis the Hawk. Yeah, they all advocate free speech unless the person at the microphone is saying something they do not want to hear. Then that person is interrupted or yelled at or given the brush off. Remember the woman who was so determined about Graydon and they started screaming at her? Remember when the hotheaded DM went nuts on Ellie Gruber? You are not allowed to ask any direct questions of any member of the council, yep this is free speech.
Je suis Paulie. Whoever coined that deserves and award.<br
Reader says Ridgewood’s Mayor should go on record voicing his support for Charlie Hebdo and the Ridgewood blog in support of Free Speech !
By any chance, is Ridgewood’s Mayor on record voicing his support for Charlie Hebdo in the wake of the brutal attack on free speech in France? Or is White Horse Strategies only interested in representing clients who benefit when people are afraid to freely speak their minds?
Events of this nature, if they are to be held at all, should be privately organized. For elected representatives to be the planners, hosts and organizers seems like a tactic employed by the National socialist party. Does anyone know their Great Depression and WWII-era history? Even Roosevelt sought to corrupt and coopt public discourse by secretly training thousands of so-called “four minute men” and quietly dispersing them around the country to attend local public meetings where they would take full advantage of open microphone time to proselytize regarding issues near and dear to the collectivist heart of the executive branch. Are we seeing a return to this tactic, 70 years hence?
If the puerile, atheist, nihilist rag Charlie Hebdo and it’s anemic typical print circulation of 60,000 is to be defended arm-in-arm by 40 world leaders marching in solidarity against attack by Islamist barbarians, certainly free-market, free-speech and We-the-People-oriented theridgewoodblog.net with its 90,000 unique electronic visitors per month can expect to be effectively defended against gratuitous depredation by two and 499/1000ths amigos bent on incessantly holding non-public public meetings calling for “civility in public discourse” until we collectively cry “Uncle” for fear of being bored to death. Hey PJ, by any chance, do you have a cartoonist on staff capable of amateurishly lampooning the prophet Aronsohn in honor of tonight’s gala free-speech-chilling civilapalooza?
Village of Ridgewood Civility Roundtable – January 20th – All are Welcome!
Mayor Paul Aronsohn will be holding a Roundtable meeting to discuss related to more civility in our public discourse. The meeting will be held on Tuesday, January 20th at 7:30pm in the Senior Lounge at Village Hall.
Rev. Jan Phillips will lead the discussion. We will drill down on ways to take the civility conversation forward.
According to the dictionary, “civility” means being polite and courteous.
So, really, most everything we know about acting polite and courteous we learned in kindergarten, so to speak, as kids learning how to get along in school and entering the adult world.
In England in the House of Commons, known for its loud unrestrained behavior, recommendations to enforce civility were defeated last year and in years past.
Why? Members of the House believe that uninhibited speech helps to ensure the continuation of a flourishing democracy because it encourages the free expression of ideas.
Yet their society has a much lower incidence of violent crime.
Are we to expand the definition of civility to include illegal acts, or are we going to limit civility to mean acting polite and courteous?
And how about our town meetings? How restrained do we want members of the public to be in their speech?
What is the relationship between civility and a civilized society?
These are questions we have to ask ourselves as we think about civility.
Ridgewood boards have different rules on public comment
DECEMBER 30, 2014 LAST UPDATED: TUESDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2014, 10:24 AM
BY JODI WEINBERGER
STAFF WRITER |
THE RIDGEWOOD NEWS
Earlier this month, zoning board Chairman Joel Torielli opened the land-use meeting with an explanation on public comment.
There’s a time when the public has the opportunity to ask questions only, he said, and then there is a time for comments only. When the hearing is closed, there are no more questions or comments.
Still, during public questioning on one of the applications, zoning board attorney Bruce Whitaker had to interrupt a resident several times to remind her she was not allowed at that time to freely offer her thoughts.
This confusion and frustration among residents about what they can say at what time to have their voice heard on village matters can turn what would normally be a civil back-and-forth into intense heated debates on whose opinions matter.
At Planning Board hearings, it’s not uncommon to have residents interrupted by attorneys citing procedure. At council and Board of Education (BOE) meetings, a timer is used to limit the length of time to address the dais.
Reader says the mayor is desperate to smoke a few detractors for purposes of uncivil public vilification
Is the Mayor inviting a public protest? They must be sorely tired of taking on anonymous blog commenters and are now desperate to smoke a few of their detractors out of their caves for purposes of uncivil public vilification. OTOH, to allow the Mayor to even think he is defining the terms of this debate by conducting multiple successive non-public public cumbaya meetings without friction or any sign of philosophical opposition to his agenda seems risky too. Persistent and pesky is this Aronsohn. But ultimately, I think the Force is not strong with this one.
Reader says Please post on the blog blaming anyone who has displeasured me
Alert Alert Alert. This is a message from you leader to all my apologist and reelect committee members.
It seems that some poster on The Ridgewood Bog are not as stupid as we had anticipated and are starting to catch on to what I and my colleagues are doing. Therefor I am asking you to use a tried and true method to distract them . This method has be used by our President many times with success. Please post on the blog blaming anyone who has displeasured me . You know who they are. If you are not sure just review the Council tapes. If all else fail I will contact THE END. I will follow this up with a robo call . You should alway use the term “Moving Forward” unless you want to go back and blame someone .
Civility Roundtable – January 20th – All are Welcome!
Mayor Paul Aronsohn will be holding a Roundtable meeting to discuss related to more civility in our public discourse. The meeting will be held on Tuesday, January 20th at 7:30pm in the Senior Lounge at Village Hall.
Rev. Jan Phillips will lead the discussion. We will drill down on ways to take the civility conversation forward.
Readers Thank White Horse Strategies for the ” new normal”
White Horse Strategies is a cutting-edge communications firm that specializes in connecting you with those who matter.
We have a proven record of effectively cultivating and promoting an effective message – from rapid response, speechwriting and debate prep to raising public awareness and grassroots support.
We’ve served on the “inside” by working in government, and we’ve crashed the gates as reformers and activists. We’ve brought that experience to campaigns on the federal, state and local levels, as well as to our work on behalf of both progressive advocacy groups and those in the private sector.
At White Horse Strategies, we know what it takes to motivate and move people and public opinion.
Reader says Mr Mayor We are not so gullible as to fall for your rhetoric. Nor are we so meek as to be cowed into silence by threats of being deemed outside your “new normal”.
“The future must not belong to those who slander the prophet of Islam.”
Get over yourself, Mr. Mayor. The playbook is Saul Alinsky’s, and the major practitioner of Alinsky’s techniques is the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The above is from his speech given at the United Nations in NYC while he was still trying to blame the murder of four Americans in Benghazi on a two-bit director and his crummy movie. Sure, he set up and knocked down other straw men to whom ownership of the future should ostensibly be denied, but everyone knew the passage quoted above was his “money” quote…the real message.
Every trick you’re trying to pull, Mr. Mayor, has long since been attempted (and revealed as a naked political tactic) on the national stage in full view of your Ridgewood neighbors. We are not so gullible as to fall for your rhetoric. Nor are we so meek as to be cowed into silence by threats of being deemed outside your “new normal”.
It won’t be long now before we’re treated to a reprise of Charlie (nicknamed ‘Charlianna’) whose sole purpose in life was seemingly to troll this blog and accuse people with whom he disagreed of occupying “the lunatic fringe”. See the similarity? Freeze your opponent, isolate them, then freely pour on their head all the ridicule, scorn, and disdain you can generate.
Get a new schtick, mayor Aronsohn. We’ve had it with your self-righteous nonsense and wish that you and your two amigos would simply cut out the condescension and do the jobs you were elected to do. Show some humility and leave the moralizing to people who still have at least a shred of credibility on the topic. And stop basing your political life on tactics from a book dedicated by Alinsky to the father of all lies.
Reader says Mayor’s letter to the Editor is complete and total bull
This editorial is so well written that you could almost believe it……except that those of us who know him and his sneaky techniques are well aware that it is complete and total bullshit.
He and his two buddies have been nasty, then contrite, then well-behaved, then nasty again, then contrite again….it is just a ridiculous cycle. If there had been one incident of incivility from Aronsohn and Pucciarelli and Hauck, then maybe this stupid editorial would be believable. But this has been a repetitive cycle that never ends, just that right now the mayor is in the contrite phase. The pendulum will swing again, just wait.
This can be compared to spousal abuse in some ways, where the violent person is so very sorry and swears never to do it again…..until the next time. Their repeated behavior from the dais has brought the outspoken outrage of many, many citizens, not just the few hard-core residents who regularly go to the meetings. There have been long lines of people at some Village Council meetings, waiting to go to the microphone and express their disgust with the INCIVILITY of these three elected officials. And, we have also seen and heard such nasty language off the record from them, in the hallways, after the videocameras go off, even during encounters outside of Village Hall. We know you three read the blog incessantly, and you know what incidents of verbal violence you have been involved in. And, in one instance that I know off, a bystander videotaped a certain someone screaming at a village resident.
And regarding the crime (in my opinion it was a crime) against Mike Sedon, the three of them NEVER, not once EVER showed any outrage about that. It was horrifying how they just ignored it. If a couple of citizens had not pushed for an investigation, it never would have gotten underway. Mayor Aronsohn should have used his connections to push push PUSH for answers as to who sent that despicable email to Mike’s employer. He should have left no stone unturned until answers were clearly revealed. This makes it seem pretty obvious that the stones could not be turned, because lurking under one of them is the guilty party. And all indications are that it is someone who had a vested interest in keeping Mr Sedon off the ballot (and he and Ms. Knudsen won by a LANDSLIDE while a certain elected official fumed in the hallway, making a cell call during which outrage over Albano’s loss was clearly and loudly stated).
So, sorry Mayor Paul, your editorial might make you feel all pumped up and proud, but we see it for what it is, empty words from a nasty man.
Ridgewood Mayor says Civility should become the ‘new normal’ , we say show me !
Civility should become the ‘new normal’
December 24, 2014
By PAUL ARONSOHN
We need to raise the bar with respect to acceptable conduct and take our public discourse to a higher level.
INCIVILITY. It seems all too common these days. The aggressive driver who tailgates you on the turnpike. The angry parent who berates the coach. The hostile resident who hurls personal attacks at public meetings. The anonymous commenter who spews hatred on the Internet. The rude government official who speaks in dismissive tones. The governor who admonishes the heckler to “sit down and shut up.”
These people and these behaviors have become all too familiar. And, sadly, they have become all too accepted. Rudeness seems normal. Civility appears optional.
To be sure, this lack of civility is not standard practice. Most people don’t act this way. Most people open doors, are polite and treat others with respect.
But the seeming increase in incivility is very real and is very destructive. It is tearing at the fabric of communities. We not only see it on TV and read about it in newspapers. We live it in our own lives. In fact, at times, it may be we who are using the bad language, exhibiting the bad behavior, making the bad decisions.
In Ridgewood, we have acknowledged this and have decided to do something about it.
Recently, community leaders and members of the public came together to discuss the need for more civility in our public discourse. Government officials. Educators. Clergy. Organizational leaders. Parents. The group represented somewhat of a cross-section of our village.
It was a timely event — coming in the wake of one of the nastiest election seasons ever — and it was an appropriate event, being held in a town known for its profound sense of commu-nity.
At the meeting, people shared a variety of views. Some said there is too much incivility in Ridgewood, while others said everything is basically fine. Some focused on behavior at public meetings, while others focused on behavior at youth sports events. Some spoke of people’s anger and hostility, while others spoke of people’s fears. Most, however, seemed to agree that incivility is the exception to the rule in Ridgewood, but regardless, most seemed to agree that we need to address it – head on.
Hence, their participation in the meeting.
Going forward, our plan is to reconvene the group in mid-January. Our discussion will concentrate on ways in which we can and should take this conversation forward.
Beyond Ridgewood, we are seeing additional reasons to be optimistic. In Washington, since the November election, we have heard more talk about bipartisanship coming from President Obama and Republican leaders. In Bergen, incoming County Executive James Tedesco ran a campaign centered on “bringing Bergen together again” and promising a less combative style to governance. And local officials and residents — most recently in Hackensack — are actively exploring ways to bring civility back into public life.
Ultimately, I believe we need to create a “new normal” with respect to the way we treat each other. More civility. More respect. Disagreement is fine and often good, but we need to disagree without being disagreeable.
We need to raise the bar with respect to acceptable conduct and take our public discourse to a higher level. That means community leaders and parents modeling appropriate behavior. That means everyone — individually as well as collectively — stepping back, taking a deep breath and realizing that we are stronger and better when we work together.
Although incivility is nothing new, it seems that 2009 was a pivotal year that began a steady decline. That year, a congressman from South Carolina broke tradition and yelled out during a presidential address to a joint session of Congress — effectively calling the president of the United States a liar. It was also in that year that New Jersey elected a governor who felt it was fine to vilify public workers, talk down to reporters and shout down residents at town meetings.
Now, five years later, it is time for us to declare that enough is enough. Our period of incivility must come to an end. We are better than this. We deserve better than this.
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