Ridgewood NJ, Since the Ridgewood blog had come up more than once in the last few civility meetings Mayor Aronsohn and Jan Philips reached out to us for an invite so we updated our Last Will and Testaments and graciously accepted .The meetings of the Civility Round Table are held on Tuesday’s, once a month at 7:30 PM in the Ridgewood Village Hall Senior’s Lounge. Residents are encouraged to attend .
The meeting started promptly at 7:30 and was to my mind well attended given the time of the year . Jan Phelps hosted the meeting , with Mayor Aronsohn and Councilwomen Hauck . Everyone introduced themselves representing various groups and organizations in the Village , from the BOE , the Planing Board , the Ridgewood Library ,several local clergy , the HSA’s , RBSA and may other fine organizations that serve Ridgewood as well as a few residents . The purpose as stated by the Mayor is to create a more civil discourse in the Village .
Civility is about more than just politeness, although politeness is a necessary first step. It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, listening past one’s preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same. Civility is the hard work of staying present even with those with whom we have deep-rooted and fierce disagreements. It is political in the sense that it is a necessary prerequisite for civic action. But it is political, too, in the sense that it is about negotiating interpersonal power such that everyone’s voice is heard, and nobody’s is ignored. https://www.instituteforcivility.org/who-we-are/what-is-civility/
The group seemed to agree that Ridgewood is a town where people like to excel , and that drive and those expectations create a very passionate , as you can see from blog comments and opinionated populace . People care about their community and thats a good thing , but many felt that sometimes we all go a bit to far .
We looked at the causes of incivility , the when and why .Sheila Brogan long time BOE member , felt that todays parents had a lot of additional pressure and worried that in todays world their kids would have a hard time doing as well as they have done . She went on to speak about the changing times and how one could expect to have several careers over a life time ,all this she though made being a parent a lot harder than it was in the past and a lot more pressure .
We managed to go till 8:08 be for someone mentioned the elephant in the room, “I want to talk about the blog”…….
I learned a lot , mostly that I am glad I can sit in my PJ’s drinking coffee writing a blog getting yelled at by anonymous commenters ,and don’t have a tuff job like the RBSA people who are pulled in many directions ,by so many demands all at once .
There were interestingly a surprising large amount of blog enthusiasts there some open and some secret admirers .
While I could see there were some sore spots , like turf fields , PSEG ,sports issues , Valley Hospital , the Village Hall renovation and alas Marty Brooks the daggers were lowered for the night .
While anonymity of blog posters took a hit as expected some pointed out that even on facebook were you know who everyone is the comments can be even nastier . A resident put it down to a type of “keyboard bravado.”
PJ’s Rules
1. Pay attention
2. Acknowledge others
3. Think the best
4. Listen
5. Be inclusive
6. Speak kindly
7. Don’t speak ill
8. Accept and give praise
9. Respect even a subtle “no”
10. Respect others’ opinions
11. Mind your body
12. Be agreeable
13. Keep it down (and rediscover silence)
14. Respect other people’s time
15. Respect other people’s space
16. Apologize earnestly and thoughtfully
17. Assert yourself
18. Avoid personal questions
19. Care for your guests
20. Be a considerate guest
21. Think twice before asking for favors
22. Refrain from idle complaints
23. Give constructive criticism
24. Respect the environment and be gentle to animals
25. Don’t shift responsibility and blame
The Deputy Mayor cannot for one moment pretend ignorance of the Sunshine Law. His adherence to the law was called into question early in his term – this gave him plenty of time to learn the law that he had been accused of breaking. The Village Attorney looked into the matter and decided that the DM had not violated the law at that time. Regardless, Mr. Pucciarelli knew full well that he should not speak last Monday night, but……………surprise surprise………….he spoke! Presto, the law was broken.